Dealing with the loss of a loved one can be one of the hardest things to go through. Whether it was a family member, significant other, or close friend, losing someone is never easy and never will be easy.  As someone who has dealt with many types of grief, all I can say is, the best we can do is get through, even if it’s only getting through one minute at a time. 

There are five classic stages of grief:

Denial- This is the step where the grief doesn’t feel real. It doesn’t feel like it actually happened. It’s just a sick dream, right? The numbness that comes with this stage is common after the initial loss. It might feel okay to go on acting as if nothing happened but it catches up and when it does it’s a spiral. 

Anger- This is the step that makes you want to scream and cry and throw things around, solely to feel any other emotion than the sadness from the loss. Being angry at the loved one who passed is not a bad thing and it doesn’t make you a bad person for feeling that way. It’s part of human emotion to be mad at someone for “leaving” when we weren’t ready.

Depression- This step is the worst one. The drop on the rollercoaster that makes your heart feel like it’s in your stomach. This is the step where that rock is really tempting to hide under. 

Bargaining- This is the “what if?” step. Trying to “what if?” your way into changing what happened. What if I had done things differently? What if I had been there? What if I had just turned around?

Acceptance-  Reaching this step means healing, the pain has eased but we will never “get over” the loss.

You may not realize the stage of grief you’re in when you’re in it, but when you move on to the next stage you may feel the effects of the transition. 

Grief is never linear. It’s a rollercoaster that sends you to the highest highs and the lowest lows. It spins you until you’re nauseous and just when you think you’re moving forward, you’re stopped and thrown backwards. 

Grief makes you feel emotions you didn’t think were possible. It sends you running to any comfort you can manage to find, but sometimes that comfort is the one you’re grieving and that makes it so much harder. Sometimes grief is just too hard to handle. That’s when you shut down. That’s when you shut everyone out and don’t let anyone in for fear of being hurt again.

Grieving is a necessary part of the healing process. It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to be angry, and it’s okay to grieve in whichever way feels right because there is no “right way to grieve.” 

Everyone is different and we all handle emotions differently. Just don’t push everything down, it’s easier that way, but it ends badly. Let the emotion come out in a healthy way, whether it be through artwork, writing, photos or any way that feels right.