To whoever may be reading this,

You should know that the moment you began reading this you became a part of a rare experiment. One that I will attempt to complete with all of my being.

I fear writing my fears, simply because when I write them they become real to me and relevant to anyone who reads them.

Fears are road maps to souls.

I do not particularly prefer anyone having a step-by-step guide to my weaknesses; however, for this experiment – I will make an exception.

A list of things I fear:

1. I fear being adequate. I believe that to be wonderful at something or to be awful at something is a blessing, but to always be simply “good” at something means that one will forever fall short of greatness. If one is a phenomenal soccer player then he or she can push forward, and one is awful then he or she can learn to play an instrument, but if one is good he or she will always just assist the goal.
2. I fear disappointing the ones that I want to impress so badly.
3. That being said, I fear my actual need for approval.
4. I fear being a peon. Simply, I want to change the world, and if to change the world is too much to ask for then maybe I could change a town, or just one human.
5. I fear that none of my dreams and aspirations will come true. I fear that I will live my life working in a 5×7 office space constantly starting sentences with, “I wish I had_____.”
6. I fear my mind’s inability to stop thinking. People say that if one has trouble ceasing his or her brain, he or she should stare at a wall and say the word “nothing” over and over. I tried doing it once and all I could think about is how “nothing” rhymes with “something,” and the wall I was staring at was made from something; maybe wood, and I wonder who made the wall and where they are and what they are doing right now.
7. I fear my very last breath. Not death, but my very last breath. I am afraid of what that will feel like, or I will even feel it.
8. I fear being a drama queen. Sometimes I feel too much about things that should not be felt as much as I feel them.
9. I fear my voice being a decibel that others cannot hear simply because they do not agree with what it is I have to say.
10. Despite my love for being close to people, I fear getting so close to one person that I cannot live without them. Independence completes me.
11. I fear spiders.